Tools
Many of us spent much of our using time alone, avoiding other people--especially people who were not using--at all costs. After years of isolation, trying to find a place for ourselves in a bustling, sometimes boisterous fellowship is not always easy. We may still feel isolated, focusing on our differences rather than our similarities. The overwhelming feelings that often arise in early recovery--feelings of fear, anger, and mistrust--can also keep us isolated. We may feel like aliens but we must remember, the alienation is ours, not NA's.
In Narcotics Anonymous, we are offered a very special opportunity for friendship. We are brought together with people who understand us like no one else can. We are encouraged to share with these people our feelings, our problems, our triumphs, and our failures. Slowly, the recognition and identification we find in NA bridge the lonely gap of alienation in our hearts. As we've heard it said--the program works, if we let it.
For many of us in active addiction, starting over from scratch was practically a lifestyle choice. Things got tough, we owed back rent, our relationships or jobs got in the way of our drug use--and we were gone! We got a new place, a new job, and someone new to put up with our crap. Some of us carried that behavior into NA. Instead of staying clean through snags in early recovery, we'd press the reset button and clear the board. Day One again. We'd change road dogs, sponsors, and home groups. This wasn't the healthiest or most spiritual way to be resilient, but that was our strategy to survive and bounce back from conflict and hardship. Still, we kept coming back.
When we get some time in NA, starting over might look very different. Many of us will hit major low points in our lives, but when we stay close to NA, we can immediately turn to Step One--not Day One--when our life becomes unmanageable.
Others of us accumulate years of cleantime and are so busy being functional that we don't realize how isolated we are from NA. We haven't relapsed, but our recovery has all but flatlined. "I woke up today and realized that it was my 25th cleantime anniversary, and I don't even remember the last time I marked the occasion," a member shared. "I came today because I didn't even know I was miserable. I thought, Maybe I should use so that I could come back to meetings. Though I'm embarrassed about how long it's been, I'm grateful my next thought was, Just go to a meeting and start over."
How do we come back when we haven't really left? Instead of pulling the plug on our program, we can jump-start it. We may feel some regret at taking NA for granted, but we are back--and can keep coming back.
It doesn't matter when we start over or why; it only matters that we do.
See the Pen Spiritual Principle Generator by Little River Group (@lrgrockford) on CodePen.
See the Pen Spiritual Principle Generator by KANA Activities Subcommittee (@KANAActivitiesSubcommittee) on CodePen.